The High School Record


Mary Dixon

    The class of 1911, School of Wheeling High, city of Wheeling, county of Ohio, state of West Virginia, country of the United States, grand division of North America, continent of America, hemisphere of the west, planet of the earth, solar system part and parcel of the universe, being empty of head and soft of heart and depleted of pocket and about to embark upon the bosom of life's tempestuous, oft-times treacherous, briny deep where the billows roar and the tempests rage, and the leviathans do spout, do make, publish and declare this to be our first, last and only will and testament, to wit:
    First: All our debts just or otherwise, shall be blotted off the pages of memory, and the expenses incident to the pompous and glorious embarkation, which so brilliant a class as ours deserves, shall be paid with notes drawn on our future.
    Second: The rest, residue and remainder of our opulence we give and bequeath as follows:
    Item: To the Board of Education our magnanimity and sweet reasonableness in the hope that future classes may have cause to rise up and call them blessed for listening to prayers and entreaties for a single session.
    Item: To Principal Charles Samuel Brilles the surplus examination paper which we could not fill that he may never be without an ample supply on which to keep the names of delinquents in the excuse line.
    Item: To our revered and respected pedagogues and pedagoguesses the happy thought that torment at our hand is at an end in eternum.
    Item: To the Juniors, they of callow mind and formless manners, our dignity and stateliness, our finesse in accomplishing things, that is in throwing wet blankets, so to speak, over the fiery spirits of untried fledgings.
    Also the Senior privileges, so infinitesimal that Miss Holliday could not find them with her strongest microscope.
    Also our seats in the study hall where the eyes of each and every teacher will be continually upon them.
    Also a somewhat jaded though thoroughly reliable stable of ponies, the same to be kept out of Mr. John's reach as he, being used to driving mules, might not know how to treat our tried and faithful animals.
    Also the High School Record, whose high standard we bid them preserve on pain of being haunted by Rosa's fiery spirit.
    Item: To our beloved and cherished sister class 1913, the love and blessing of an overflowing heart and the admonition to guard the basket and base ball trophies of 1911, also all the powder rags, mirrors and other heirlooms of the school.
    Item: To the Freshmen the whole wealth of our advice which, conscientiously followed, will remove sign of verdue.
    Item: To Bertha Rose Isenberg we solemnly bequeath the hair ribbons and little dresses of Regina Margaret Agnes Marie Carney for her dollies.
    Item: To Mary Elizabeth Higgins we leave the coats of Edwin Samuel Whit and Russell Bryan Goodwin, knowing her fondness for that article of apparel, especially in hot weather.
    Item: To Charles Henry Ebers we leave Anna Schenck's shorn locks to have and to use for toupees for the rest of his life.
    Item: To Mr. Hiram Bradley Johns we leave unentailed, the geometry he borrowed from Leona Elizabeth Harpfer, and never returned.
    Item: To Miss Rida Dean we leave the fine singing voices of Cassius Evans, Russell Goodwin, Howard Exley and Edwin Whit.
    Item: To Miss Kate Pollock Hall we leave the solemn promises of Sara Nay, Paul Ruble, Chester Eskey, Mary Arbuthnot, Helen Connelly, Elizabeth Bushfield, Winifred McLaughlin, Virginia Richardson to pray for her unqualified absolution before the tribunal of mercy.
    Item: Any rest, residue, or remainder of our estate, real or personal, wee leave to Charles Samuel Brilles to hold in trust until such time as he shall find some one or ones worthy of entering into our inheritance.
    I nominate and appoint Charles Samuel Brilles to be the executor of this my last will and testament.
    In witness whereof I have hereunto set my hand and seal this 7th day of June, A.D. 1911.
        CLASS OF 1911 (Seal).

    Signed, sealed, published and declared as and for their last will and testament, by the above named testators in our presence, who have, at their request, and in their presence, and in the presence of each other, signed our names as witnesses thereto.

        J. C. McGREGOR.
        A. W. PETERSON.
        LAURA C. CRAGO.