Not so very long ago a brand new maxim was discovered, and by the pupils of Wheeling High School, too. This new, but entirely true principle, runs thus: "It is an impossibility for the Near-Great to follow in the footsteps of the Great"; and was discovered thusly:
"Twas the night of the Junior 'prom,' the greatest event in the history of the class of 1912. They had viewed with wonder, not unmixed with awe, the enviable good time the class of 1911 had had at its parties and the ease with which that class had overcome its rivals when they tried to break up the 'big doin's,' once ducking them under a pump and another time shaving their hair and blacking their faces. So the class of 1912 took council among themselves and finding themselves in a wonderously prosperous condition decided to have a party. They were not afraid of a rival class. No, not they; for they knew very well what dire punishment was meted out to evil beings who tried to break up a party.
The appointed night 'dawned' bright and starry and each brave Junior swain wended his way toward the trysting place with the fair lady of his choice on his arm. Pleasant thoughts filled his brain. Indeed, he was a favored individual. To enjoy the company of his lady-love and feast on fudge, cake, lemonade, ice cream, dog-biscuits, punch, etc., was, indeed, the ideal of human happiness. And what had he to fear? The Seniors were both too weak and too cowardly even to try to break up the 'prom.' And hadn't mamma given him a nickle for bridge toll? Surely life was worth living under such conditions.
"Everything was working fine. The Junior lass and laddie are nearly to the rendezvous. But the fates have decreed otherwise. Not far from the door, two sturdy hands are thrust about the Junior lord (?) and a stalwart Senior bears him off to captivity, while another Senior with the customary gallantry that has ever characterized the class of '11, escorts his fair partner to the appointed place of amusement.
"This befell each and every male Junior and this each and every female, till when the party was started, it reminded one of a 'strictly-for-woman' suffrage meeting, not a Junior boy present. In the meantime those mean Seniors kept the pretty, little Junior boys sitting along the bank of the river Styx, otherwise known to humanity as the Ohio. There they sat, bound and waiting, guarded by Sophomores, listening to the strains of waltzes that so beautifully floated through the midnight air, and blessing the Senior boys who were even then dancing with their lady friends and causing their 'eats' to vanish. My, but life was rough and stony. There the Juniors sat and sorrowed, there the Seniors danced and rejoiced. There the Juniors hungered, there the Seniors ate and were merry. Finally, in the 'wee sma' hours of the morning, the Juniors were given their liberty and they returned home, many of them reaching their abodes on the back of early morning milk wagons.
"Next morning the Seniors, stiff from dancing and the Juniors, stiff from sitting in the cold night air, each made a resolution. The Seniors, 'that the Juniors certainly did know how to start for a party and not get there better than any class ever in W. H. S.' The Juniors: 'Never again!' At least while the great class of 1911 is around, for it is an absolute impossibility for the Near-Great to follow in the footsteps of the Great'".
E. S. W., '11.
N. B. - The above is a secret, so please don't tell anybody; as we would not have the Juniors laughed at for the world.