West Virginia Hillbilly Offers Help To Jewish Friends

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich.

Jews traditionally go to a body of water such as the ocean, a stream or a river to pray and throw in breadcrumbs. This symbolizes throwing away one's sins - which the fish devour.

And, occasionally, people ask Rockerbilly what kinds of breadcrumbs should be thrown.

So, as a public service from the St Albans News Agency, and with apologies to our old pal Felice, here are some suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.

For ordinary sins: White bread

For erotic sins: French bread

For particularly dark sins: Pumpernickel

For complex sins: Multigrain

For sins of indecision: Waffles

For sins committed in haste: Matzoh

For sins of chutzpah: Any fresh bread

For substance abuse: Stoned wheat

For petty larceny: Stollen

For committing auto theft: Caraway

For timidity/cowardice: Milk toast

For ill-temperedness: Sourdough

For silliness, eccentricity: Nut bread

For jingoism, chauvinism: Yankee Doodles

For excessive irony: Rye bread

For unnecessary chances: Hero bread

For warmongering: Kaiser rolls

For dressing immodestly: Tarts

For lechery and promiscuity: Hot buns

For promiscuity with gentiles: Hot cross buns

For racist attitudes: Crackers

For being holier than thou: Bagels

For overeating: Stuffing

For indecent photography: Cheesecake

For raising your voice too often: Challah

For pride and egotism: Puff pastry

For sycophancy, butt-kissing: Brownies

For being overly smothering: Angel food cake

For trashing the environment: Dumplings

For telling bad jokes/puns: Corn bread